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March 13th, 2010

11:15 pm - Exciting Day
I bought my wedding dress today! It is pretty insane that this is finally actually happening. WOW

Today was my 4th time dress shopping, and I was like seriously this needs to happen already. My sister found her dress in one day, and I didn't wanna be the crazy bridezilla that couldn't settle on a dress. Rochelle suggested we go to torrance, after we went to OC twice and it was too expensive. Rochelle is a genius! :) The first store we went to was super lame, crowded, hot, not helpful, and so I was totally turned off like ok, not gonna find my dress in torrance if they are like this.

The second store we went to was owned by an egyptian lady, and I thought no way am I gonna buy a dress from an egyptian lady, they dresses are probably gaudy and awful. I tried on a few dresses that were ok and then I tried on a dress that I didn't really think I would like......but I loved it! And the Egyptian lady gave us a discount and the shipping for free and her alterations are very reasonable. And she used to be a seamstress, so she is gonna make me a jacket out of the same material as the dress! We lucked out, seriously!

It's finally starting to settle in that we are getting married...so surreal, but in a good way of course :)
Current Mood: excitedexcited

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November 24th, 2009

01:44 am - The Best Day Ever!
Wow where to start. So Ramez has been leading me on for weeks, telling me oh we have special plans on Wednesday, get dressed up we're going out. And it was like a play (which was nice, but not what I was expecting hehe). He did this like 4 different times, and he really built up the last planned outing (which was yesterday). He was like oh Sunday you will love, it will be the best day, you don't know what's in store for you. I thought for sure he was gonna propose then, but no. He took me to El Cid, which is a Spanish restaurant where they do a flamenco dance show that's really cool. But I was definitely sorta disappointed when we got there cuz I thought is he really going to propose to me here??? Then as sort of an afterthought, he said hey there's this thing we can do on monday night, it's also a surprise, are you free? He said it's no big deal, you might like it, you might not, I dunno. i thought ok, it's some play or show or something that has potential to be good, but we'll see. He told me to get dressed up, like all of the other times. Then he even scheduled plans with me for NEXT Sunday and said oh that one will be really awesome you'll see, and I thought oh ok, I guess he's gonna propose next sunday then. So I wasn't really expecting anything special tonight at all. Little did I know...

We parked in some random parking lot and I didn't really know where we were, just somewhere in orange county. When we got out of the car I could smell the ocean, then we walked further and I found out we were going on a gondola ride! Waiting in the gondola were my favorite flowers (calla lilies) and a bottle of my favorite wine :). The ride was so peaceful and romantic. The lights reflected off the water so beautifully. Then our gondolier Tim sang us a song in Italian. After a while, Tim said that there was an old man around who wrote poems and put them into bottles, and that all the other gondoliers had one. He said he thought he saw one floating and could we please help him get it? We turned around and there was a bottle floating on my side of the gondola. I grabbed it, and rolled up inside was this poem:

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-William Butler Yeats

Then Ramez got down on one knee, and told me how much he loved me, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy. Wow I am officially the luckiest woman alive!! The gondolier sang us another song, this time in English: "I've never been in love before" (which I looked up and the reason it sounded so familiar is cuz it's from the movie Guys and Dolls which I love!).

After the gondola ride was over, I thought that was it for the night, but Ramez said nope, there's more surprises. So we started driving down PCH. I thought maybe we were headed to Blue Water Grill, the place we always go for my birthday which is down in Newport. But we turned and ended up at the Yardhouse. I was thinking to myself as we were parking that the Yardhouse doesn't seem very romantic, but I figured he had done so well so far, there must be something I am missing. When we walked in, Suprise! There were 15 of my closest friends! I got to tell everyone our story, it was sooooo much better than texting and calling everyone! My fiance is a genius!

It was officially the best night of my life :) Ramez knows me soooo well it's crazy. He knows exactly what would make me happy :-D

Sorry Mary Jen if I gave you a sugar overload hehe. I am just waaaay tooo happy :) I wanted to write down everything that happened so I wouldn't be able to forget anything!

Thank you fiance :) for the best night of my life. I love you soooo much and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!

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April 30th, 2009

10:45 pm - going nuts
i see the word weddings everywhere...dwellings, weldings, they all looked like wedding to me at first glance today.  

within 24 hours i heard 3 proposal stories.  have been thinking that mine will never happen.  

yes, i am know being dramatic.  yes i should be happy there is an amazing man who loves me.  but i am discouraged, and somewhat depressed.

don't feel like i can talk to the few people that are closest to me about this, for a couple of reasons.  so i'm just word vomiting on my lj to get it out somewhere.  there's a lot more...but whatever.  <sigh>

clarification:  my real issue is not with the proposal/engagement/wedding, it is with being stuck in limbo.  i am ready to be married to him, to see him everyday, to be settled and start living our life together.  but i don't even care all that much about the actual wedding part; we could elope at the courthouse (if it weren't for the whole church issue) and i would be happy.

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March 21st, 2009

12:03 pm - Hiking!
I did a four mile hike today with Rochelle and her mom.  At the end of the hike there was a waterfall!  At first I was totally thinking there was no way I was going to make it because it was pretty steep at times and there were rocks in some areas, but dude I did it!  I am so proud of myself. 

I was gonna put in a picture of me at the waterfall, but I am too energetic to sit at my computer for much longer and try to figure it out.  Maybe later. 

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished

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March 4th, 2009

09:29 pm
Am I mediocre?  

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March 1st, 2009

08:15 pm - March 1st
 It has been 4 years since my cousin Johnny passed away.  He would have been turning 22 years old this Wednesday.  I think I always knew that he would never grow old, he was always so fragile.  I was never able to picture him growing up, getting married and having a family, it's like I always knew that he wouldn't make it to that point.  

I'm not going to lie or be dramatic and say that not a day goes by that I don't think about him, because that's totally not true.  It has been 4 years, and time heals a lot of wounds and thankfully makes you forget.  But I do think of him, especially when my family is all gathered together.  There is always something missing (actually two some ones, but we'll deal with that on another day).  

I cried today in church when Abouna prayed for those who have reposed in the faith of Christ.  I didn't remember that today was the anniversary of Johnny's passing until that moment, and then it all hit me.  I was 19 again, dressed in a yellow hospital smock and latex gloves, standing in the room where my cousin was dying.  He was unconscious and on life support, and I slowly patted his head as tears streamed down my face.  I didn't even realize I was crying until my mom pulled me away and said "Khalas, that's enough."  I sometimes wish that I hadn't gone in there that day, because then I would have only remembered him as his happy, energetic, bubbly self.  Now whenever I think of him, I can't get that image out of my head.

Then my memory flashed forward 2 days, March 1st.  I was in Khalil's room telling him how worried I was about my cousin, when I got a text message from Monica that said "he's gone."  God bless Khalil, I don't know what I would have done if I was alone at that moment sigh.


Life is hard...

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy

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January 26th, 2009

04:35 pm - Stories
So I promised stories about my crazy kids, and Paul is holding me to it.  So here goes.  This is an old story, from Christmas time, but still pretty funny.  At the time I wanted to kill the kid, but now it's hilarious.

So one of my students (super hyper, ADHD kid) comes in 4th period one day sometime before Christmas break.  I look up about 5 minutes into the period and he is drawing on his hand with a purple marker, so I tell him to stop.  Then i look a little closer and i realize that the purple marker he is using came off my desk (his desk is really close to my desk).  I ask him where he got the marker, he doesn't answer of course, I know the answer already anyway and so I make him put the marker back.  You would think that would be the end of the story, but no...

About 5 minutes later I'm in the middle of my lesson, and I hear somebody singing.  The kid is now singing "Frosty the Snow Man" and waving his hand around.  Turns out...he had drawn a snow man on his hand with MY marker, and for THE REST OF THE PERIOD he sang "Frosty" and made his own little hand Frosty dance around!  LoL  so i'm laughing now, but at the time i really was going to KILL him!  

More stories to come, if I remember hehe.  I hope that made you laugh a little.  Just a little glimpse of the randomness/craziness that is my job.

Current Mood: amusedamused

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October 20th, 2008

08:59 pm - Teaching Stories
So I've decided that I need to start keeping a log of all the crazy things that happen at work and someday write a book.  middle school kids are absolutely hilarious and do the most random things.

today i have to share brian's experience (another 1st year teacher).  he was teaching his class as usual when he looked up and saw a kid passing a note, so he walked over and took it from the kid.  on the note it said "this is my booger" and it had an actual booger taped to the paper!!  isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever heard!  i was like, hey at least he taped it so that people couldn't actually touch his booger, but dude, seriously, so GROSS!  

hehe the kids crack me up.  

i love my job, even though it is so much work and i'm so tired and sometimes i want to beat some of the kids up.  i was at work and then a BTSA meeting from 7am to 6pm straight.  it was a long freakin day.  and the btsa meeting was just a useless waste of time that i could have used working at school a little longer.  now i have to go in early tomorrow again to get stuff done before some stupid breakfast with the superintendent at 7:30.  but all-in-all i relaly like my job.  i just need to get a handle on the workload so that i am not staying there everyday til like 5 or 6 cuz that's lame.

so anyways, stay tuned for more silly kid stories.
Current Mood: amusedamused

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October 14th, 2008

10:47 pm
 The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.
  - Henri-Frédéric Amiel

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October 4th, 2008

10:40 pm - Reflections on the First Few days of break time
so it's been 3 days since me and ramez decided to officially go on a break so that i could figure me out and just generally feel free to do stuff that i want to do.  

last night i went to the youth meeting at st. mary's cuz my sis was giving the talk.  after the youth meeting we sat around and talked for a while and then decided to go out to eat.  we left church at almost ten o'clock and went to b.j.'s in glendale.  normally i wouldn't have done this, and part of it is cuz ya i am very tired and i'm a teta who likes to sleep as much as possible, but also because ramez had a history of always getting weirded out if i stayed out late.  he also would have blamed it on monica cuz i was with her, but really it's not her fault at all.  i chose to go because i like to spend time with those people and i had a lot  of fun.  i don't have the same problem with staying out late that he does cuz my parents really don't have a problem with it.  like i'm not out clubbing or doing anything crazy, so my parents don't have any reason to worry or think it's strange that i didn't come home til midnight.  its just not a problem at all in my house.  i feel myself automatically trying to defend my staying out late because in the back of my head i think that ramez is reading this and i have to defend my choices to him.  i was also rationalizing it in my own head.  

essentially, it feels like ramez is in my head, his voice, his opinions, what he thinks is right or wrong, all of that is in my head to the point where it is hard for me to distinguish what i think and feel from what he does.  i guess that is why i am glad we are taking a break, hard though it may be.  i need to figure out what i want to do, what i think is right/wrong, what i think is acceptable behavior.

i didn't go to church tonight.  instead i went to irene and rebekah's band competition.  they performed at like 7 and we had a great time watching them and the bands after them.  they won first place!  it is the first time in a long time i think that i chose to do something else on saturday night other than go to church.  oftentimes i wonder if i went to church on saturday nights for bible study/vespers or because it was another chance to spend time with ramez.  i guess now i will find out.  i mean, i have been going to sunday morning church my entire life and never missed a sunday unless i was like dying or it was absolutely necessary.  but saturday nights have been a more recent development, and i have wondered if i only went because i wanted to be with him, rather than actually go to bible study/vespers.

i hope that i start to figure out soon what i want to do.  <sigh>

oh and next week, i am going to a musical with rochelle on thursday night in garden grove.  i randomly got an invite on facebook from a guy who used to live on my floor who was a musical theater major and he's in this play that's going on now.  normally i would see it and go o that's nice and say i wish i could go, but not actually go.  this time i invited rochelle and ordered tickets online and we're going on thursday night.  i remember loving musicals at one point in my life, and i'm excited that i'm going.  oh and then after that, i'm going to the young professionals convention.  it is the first time that i am going to a convention since i was like a freshman in high school (a very bad experience, which was why i never went again).  i am pushing my limits to see what i am like.  i used to be super duper social, i loved being around people and loud crazy groups.  then sometime around like my 3rd year of college i dunno what happened, i think it was when i moved out of the dorms, i became a lot more antisocial.  i sometimes wish i could go back to the time when i was loud and had fun in big groups.  so i dunno, we'll see how the convention goes.  i don't have very high expectations, maybe i will be pleasantly surprised.

all in all i think i am doing ok.  i have to figure out what to do about going to church for a while though.  if i go to st. mary's its going to raise a million questions with my family that i just don't want to deal with.  but that's really the only other place i feel remotely comfortable other than my church.  we'll see what happens.

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